So I’ve been actively playing shows in different bands for
almost 10 years now and I have seen a lot of things. Anything from live song
flubs to onstage meltdowns even members quitting the band before the show was
over. In all this accumulated time I have devised a set of rules for myself to
follow playing these shows and although sometimes I’m guilty of breaking them I
try to follow them as much as possible. I know some of you are asking “I
thought you were in a metal band and rock bands, why do you have rules?” and
then saying “rules are for pussies who don’t know how to be awesome” well you’re
wrong and an asshole. So without further disruption I’m going to list these
rules and a brief explanation so maybe this chapter will be short (I doubt it).
Number one, the most important rule: Always finish the show.
No matter what happens this has to be done, if you don’t finish the show you
don’t get paid, and your audience will forever doubt your ability. The only
exception would be if the place you’re playing at is evacuated for fire,
natural disaster, or zombie outbreak. And of course if you’re playing to an
audience of ninjas it’s hard to keep going because you can’t see any of them
but they’re out there trust me.
Number two: Try to have a positive outlook about every show.
I know sometimes there are shows where the shit hits the fan from the get go. The
best counter for that situation is to look at the positive and forget about the
negative. For example maybe your drummer miscounted and doesn’t have a cymbal,
stand, or god forbid one of his drums. In this case you’ll just have to say “well
we can either go back and get it or go experimental tonight. Sometimes you may
be close to your practices space and able to send someone back to get it but if
you’re 90 miles from home (this has happened to me before) then you either have
to try and borrow from another band on the bill or work it out if you’re the
only band playing.
Number three: Be it mental or physical make a checklist and
double check before and after shows for all equipment! If you’re still reading
then you should know from the last rule you don’t want to forget stuff when you’re
on tour or just far from home. It’s easy to make a mental checklist when you’ve
been doing this for a long time, but if you can’t remember everything you bring
to a show write it down or you risk losing money and equipment. All you have to
do with that is put a slash by each item when you load it into a vehicle and
then turn that slash into an x when you put it back into the car after the
show. Doing it this way lets you use the same checklist multiple times.
Number four: Respect other bands whether you like their
music or not. This is not a fucking competition people, many different bands
and similar bands are out here every day trying to entertain the people. The only
way we all get ahead is by respecting and helping each other out, if we’re all
competing with each other we’ll get nowhere and stay there. Sure the time comes
along when you’re playing with bands that you don’t really like or maybe a
member of the band has wronged you in the past, put that shit behind you and
make the show the best you can. And with respect we all get ahead. The bands
from your area can either help you along the way or hurt you depending on how
you treat them. An example would be maybe you can’t make a show and you have to
cancel, instead of making the venue go through a phonebook all day suggest a
band to them and help your scene out. If it works out than that band may do the
same for you in the future, think about it.
Number five: Accept what compensation you get with
gratitude. I have been asked to play shows for no money, and I have played
shows for no money. The difference is that some are for charity or a good cause
and other are because no one got off their ass and promoted so no one showed
up. Back in my metal band days there were no set payment amounts, the bar
charged a cover at the door and that was split between 4 or 5 bands. Most of
the time this amounted to enough money for gas, no one was getting rich off of
this and everyone was having a good time. If the time comes when you play to
walls and you only get 10 bucks at the end of the night accept it and say
thanks for the opportunity. You may not get a lot of money but you get respect
from other bands and possibly more bookings from them or the promoter putting
on the show. And if you’re playing for charity remember that what you don’t
make in cash you make up for in new fans and exposure.
Number six: Distribute money evenly, only special exceptions
apply. When you play a show with 4 bands and the door makes 100 bucks then each
band gets 25 dollars, simple as that. The special exceptions would be if one
band was touring and came from 5 states over and is trying to make it through
to Nevada and back throw them a little extra and take the hit remember the
respect rule. Another example would be if you’re on a show run by a promoter
and they put up flyers, ran internet and radio ads, and hit the streets for
that show throw them some money for their trouble and possibly score some more
bookings with them. Sad as it is money does make the world turn and greasing a
few palms never hurts. But if you have an even split then the entertainers
should get paid even unless you have a special exception like the ones I just
talked about.
Number seven: A freebie here and there never hurts but don’t
turn every show into a product toss unless you have enough to get rid of. Most bands
have merch for sale whether its shirts, demos, stickers, or any random
assortment of items (hats, can coolers, or thongs yeah I’ve seen them on the
board before). This is the stuff they need to sell in order to make gas or food
money on tour, if not that then just to make more seed money to buy merch. Unless
you have a sponsor backing you all this stuff comes out of your pocket so when
you toss out too much for free you’re basically giving away money. Now don’t
get confused it does pay off to give out a freebie to some people, remember what
I said about greasing palms it doesn’t always mean money you know. I have given
out my album to some people and told them to spread the word but some people
have paid for it as well. In both ways I’m being supported by my friends and
fans but at the same time I’m not losing my ass on merch cost. When Salt Rock
Jones plays a new place we try to give the owner a free shirt if we have their
size to secure more bookings. We have sold a lot of shirts and we thank each
and every person that bought one but sometimes it helps to give one or two out
so those people can model it and promote you at the same time.
Number eight: Always be open to new ideas and don’t get
stuck in a rut. This one is easy to figure out, I play original music but to
play around the area both Salt Rock Jones and my solo thing have to fill the
set with cover songs. We get a lot of requests and we take them all into
consideration and attempt them. If it doesn’t work out then we don’t play it
but with people inputting ideas we are always moving forward and progressing
with the help of our fans. And a lot of times the fans help us remember songs
we wanted to try and play all along but forgot about at one time. And I know it
sucks to remember a lot of songs but keep moving forward and don’t get stuck
playing the exact same songs every night or you’ll be back at the starting
line.
Number nine: don’t let heckling get to you/respect the band
and your peers. This is for both bands and fans. Heckling is stupid and used by
stupid people who want attention, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard
someone shout free bird or any other random request in the middle of a song. We
all know it’s annoying and you’re only making yourself look like an idiot, if
you want to hear a song and you think the band knows it ask them when they
finish a song. And if they don’t know how to play it they will take it into
consideration of it fits with what they play but don’t get mad if they don’t
know it you’ll just cause a scene and bring the whole vibe down. Now to the
bands that get heckled the best thing to do is just continue the show, if they
get too out of hand someone will get control of them or they’ll get kicked out
if there is any hope left in the world. But take this into consideration, if
you decide to go toe to toe with a heckler and you don’t come up with a good argument
then you run the risk of making yourself look dumber than them. Be careful when
dealing with drunken idiots, they have no common sense.
Number ten: have fun, don’t be afraid of it. We all started
this to have fun entertaining people with our twisted thoughts and songs that
we love to listen to. Once it stops being fun it’s time to either hang it up or
start playing different music that is fun to play and hear. And having fun is
not a one way street, if you’re up there giving it your all and having a blast
it transfers to the fans. There is no such thing as too much fun, if you’re
having fun and so are the fans there is plenty of fun to be had. But getting
out of control can ruin fun for everyone so if you can’t control your alcohol,
your temper, or your mouth then you should probably have fun somewhere else.
Well those are my ten commandments, if you’re in a band or a
fan of live music follow them if you like and the world might just be a better
place. So it’s obvious that I talk too much so I’m going to wrap this up and
let the readers rest their eyes. Keep praying to your deity of choice, I’m
still waiting for that kiddie pool.
